Evanisms

https://twitter.com/therealelp/status/689148325216579584

Evan Solomon: Okay so I support this form of joke 100%
Evan Solomon: But
Evan Solomon: That does not *look* like the worst bagel in the world
Evan Solomon: I mean I am not into that asiago bullshit obviously
Evan Solomon: Also real bagels are obviously not arranged in groups of 3 in a slanted line on a too fancy plate
Evan Solomon: They are in wire baskets
Evan Solomon: So yea, this bagel probably blows, but on its own merits it does look bagel-ish

Helen: It also strongly resembles a donut. Cheese donut is not unfair.

Evan Solomon: I don’t know. I feel the need to stand up for the bagel here. I can’t explain why.

Helen: I’m a little surprised at you standing up for something with superfluous cheese.

Evan Solomon: It’s a principled stance

Helen: Seems like conflicting principles to be honest

Evan Solomon: I don’t think so
Evan Solomon: Honestly I’m maybe not even standing up for the bagel because I do believe there’s plenty of reasons to assume it sucks
Evan Solomon: But I don’t think its appearance as a bagel is necessarily one of them

Helen: Faux bagel. A misguided homage to bagels.

Evan Solomon: Is this the title of my autobiography?

Helen: Yes!
Helen: Secondary topics: pizza, chicken parm, and hating cheese but still eating the aforementioned.

Evan Solomon: It’s like a murder mystery
Evan Solomon: I’m kinda pissed at you
Evan Solomon: Because now I want a chicken parm

Bri: I was so scared of you!

Helen: Why were you scared of me?!

Bri: Because you weren’t scared of me

Evan: ^^ Fyi this is how I feel about bugs

Evan Solomon: I ate an egg sandwich with cheese today

Helen: WHAT

Evan Solomon: Eggs, spinach, avocado, provolone, sriracha

Helen: no way.
Helen: also that sounds delicious

Evan Solomon: Normally I would order that and ask for no cheese. But the sandwich on the menu is actually just egg *whites* and I asked for yolks. I am very self conscious about asking for multiple customizations. So I just yolo’d the cheese part.

Helen: how was it?

Evan Solomon: It was great. Provolone is a cheese I often deal with in my Italian food exception so it seemed more approachable.
Evan Solomon: That said, I’m not sure it wouldn’t have been *better* without the cheese

Helen: i feel like you need to go back and find out for sure though

Evan Solomon: I might. I was pretty nervous about asking to upgrade egg whites to normal eggs so I couldn’t have also pulled off cheese request.
Evan Solomon: But the barista was very nice about it so I might feel bolder next time.

Helen Hou-Sandi: what’s the line between baby and kid?

Evan Solomon: um
Evan Solomon: under 5 = baby

Helen Hou-Sandi: what!

Evan Solomon: no?

Helen Hou-Sandi: i actually have no idea
Helen Hou-Sandi: to me they are babies until they can pretty reliably walk, then they are toddlers.
Helen Hou-Sandi: i don’t know when it becomes a kid, though. potty training? school? first job?

Evan Solomon: haha
Evan Solomon: i am sticking with my line at 5
Evan Solomon: < 5 = baby
Evan Solomon: 5 – 18 = kid
Evan Solomon: 18 – 22 = idiot
Evan Solomon: > 22 = adult

Evan Solomon: oh also once on virgin i bought two tickets on the same flight
Evan Solomon: because their email delivery was really slow
Evan Solomon: and i forgot that i had already done it

Evan Solomon: You went to a nudist resort before shaking hands?
Evan Solomon: That is a surprising order of operations

Aaron Jorbin: SF people: How bad is this quake?

Pete Mall: Mika said it was reported as 1.9 but I definitely felt it

Evan Solomon: quake?

Aaron Jorbin: 3.4
Aaron Jorbin: http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/eventpage/nc72027430#summary

Pete Mall: I would’ve guessed ~3

Evan Solomon: wtf 1.9
Evan Solomon: that is like someone bumping into my desk

Andrew Spittle: ha

Helen Hou-Sandi: hahahahaha

Pete Mall: I’m closer to it than Evan

Evan Solomon: yea i had no idea this happened
Evan Solomon: the effect of this is probably smaller than the effect of the construction downstairs

Aaron Jorbin: “pizza isn’t an option for dinner because I don’t want it.”

Andrew Nacin: then pizza is not an option

Andrew Spittle: it’s just an option you don’t like

Evan Solomon: if that means pizza is not an option then you don’t know what options are