Evanisms

October 5, 2012: Prologue

Evan Solomon: i had some banana bread earlier
Evan Solomon: that was pretty good
Evan Solomon: better than a cookie

January 21, 2013: The Incident

Evan Solomon: just had a good episode of “Evan vs domestic occurances”
Evan Solomon: accidentally bought about 50 bananas through instacart because i thought the price for 6 was the price for 1
Aaron Jorbin: So you’re going to be making banana bread and sending it to everyone?
Evan Solomon: i was actually going to look up how to slow down banana ripening
Dion: I’m just WTF’ing that you bought that many bananas believing they were ultimately 10x the price of a normal banana
Evan Solomon: yea it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense
Evan Solomon: turns out bananas are a super good deal
Dion: They must be, nice and pricey over here
Evan Solomon: about 40 cents/banana
Aaron Jorbin: WHy do you think we setup banana republics?
Dion: Ah, USD$1.00/banana for a decent one here atm
Evan Solomon: actually it’s probalby closer to 30 cents, the average bananas per bunch is higher that i first thought
Evan Solomon: i do really like banana bread though
Aaron Jorbin: Bananas also make a good substitute for eggs in baking brownies (and makes them vegan)
Evan Solomon: i’m more into banana bread, but that’s good info
Daryl Koopersmith: let this be an expression of my love for this situation
Daryl Koopersmith: also, chex and I will happily relieve you of some of your banana burden
Daryl Koopersmith: and have a banana split/bread/fun party
Chelsea Otakan: let’s have a banana split party!
sara cannon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk?tag=hydfbook0e-20&ascsubtag=US-SAGE-1357909693878-JGDYJ
sara cannon: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer
sara cannon: (comments and user photos hilarious)
Evan Solomon: wow
Evan Solomon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-media/product-gallery/B0047E0EII/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_images_0?ie=UTF8&index=0
sara cannon: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51wocAPiNSL.jpg
sara cannon: haha
Chelsea Otakan: oh man
Chelsea Otakan: we should melt chocolate
Chelsea Otakan: and dip frozen bananas in them
Chelsea Otakan: lets start a frozen banana stand
Daryl Koopersmith: there’s always money in the banana stand
sara cannon: ^ this
Chelsea Otakan: Evan’s Frozen Banana Stand
Aaron Jorbin: I would eat Evan’s frozen banana
Chelsea Otakan: thats why evan is leaving a8c and buying a bunch of bananas
Aaron Jorbin: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51lDbZaEXpL.jpg
Evan Solomon: update on banana news: i actually ordered the right amount of bananas but the guy bought about 7x too many
Aaron Jorbin: bought or brought or do you just refer to yourself as “the guy” now?
Evan Solomon: hahaha
Chelsea Otakan: so bananas are really expensive?
Evan Solomon: i ordered it through a delivery service
Evan Solomon: that guy
Evan Solomon: bananas are still cheap
Evan Solomon: like 30 cents each
Evan Solomon: tl;dr: i got a bunch of unauthorized bananas
Aaron Jorbin: did you check them for poison?
Evan Solomon: no
sara cannon: lol “unauthorized bananas”
Pete Mall: Trader Joe’s bananas are always 19 cents
Helen Hou-Sandi: if you freeze peeled bananas and then blend them you get something rather like ice cream.
Evan Solomon: i don’t have a blender
Evan Solomon: i have a food processor though
Helen Hou-Sandi: food processor works
Helen Hou-Sandi: that’s kind of a funny thing to have, although i definitely use my food processor more than the blender
Evan Solomon: yea it doens’t make a lot of sense that i have it
Aaron Jorbin: I’m surprised that you have any kitchen supplies Evan
Evan Solomon: that’s reasonable
Aaron Jorbin: Actually, I expect you to have a knife, but that’s because I expect everyone to have a knife.
Evan Solomon: also that’s how i change smoke detector batteries

April 20, 2013: The Followup

Evan Solomon: thanks to whichever one of you did this
Beau Lebens: lolwut
Evan Solomon: there’s backchat from a few days ago about this woman who i guess used to live in my apartment
Evan Solomon: who i constantly get mail for
Evan Solomon: mostly mail order catalogs
Evan Solomon: but also cards from her plastic surgeon
Evan Solomon: and funeral notices
Evan Solomon: and recently a clipper card with a monthly pass and $100 of value on it
Evan Solomon: the banana slicer joke was from when i accidentally bought 60 bananas
Beau Lebens: 1. i assume you’re using the clipper card?, and
Beau Lebens: 2. how the hell do you *accidentally* buy 60 bananas?
Andrew Nacin: that is absolutely amazing
Andrew Nacin: he ordered 10 bananas not realizing it was 10 half-dozen bunches, or something like that
Beau Lebens: brilliant
Mark Jaquith: Evan — so, confession. When I asked for your address during the whole Gloria Hwang situation, I had ulterior motives. I was hoping that exactly this thing would happen. But whoever tied in the banana episode is a fucking genius.
Evan Solomon: starts out as a confession…ends up not confessing to the actual thing
Mark Jaquith: Confession — I did it that way on purpose.

May 30, 2013: Offscreen, at JSConf

Aaron Jorbin brings a banana and puts it in Evan’s room.

June 17, 2013: The Confession

Pete Mall: the battery in one of my smoke detectors may be low
Pete Mall: Evan: help
Andrew Nacin: Pete: Send your make/model to Dion, he’ll get you the manual.
Pete Mall: we can do a live hangout
Pete Mall: let me grab the Glass
Aaron D. Campbell: Seems like Evan needs a Youtube how-to for this kind of thing
Mark Jaquith: I would love to write the script for that.
Mark Jaquith: EVAN: Step two, knife stabbing. Grab a sharp knife and begin stabbing the back of the detector, searching for any battery panels that might be hidden under stickers. CROSSFADE EVAN (with bandage on hand): Step three…
Helen Hou-Sandi: (with bandage on hand and knife in mouth)
Mark Jaquith: YES
Mark Jaquith: Or rather, with knife in other hand… but when describing step 3, he has to pick up the detector, looks around for a place to put the knife, then puts it in his mouth.
Mark Jaquith: Continues description of step three talking “through the knife”.
Pete Mall: I don’t like going to a store so I’ll probably order it on Amazon.
Pete Mall: (channeling Evan)
Mark Jaquith: Make sure it says “battery” not “pallet of batteries”.
Pete Mall: did anyone own up to sending Evan the banana slicer?
Mark Jaquith: Not publicly, I don’t think.
Mark Jaquith: I’m just pissed I didn’t think of it. (OR DIDN’T I?)
Andrew Nacin: Jorbin handed him a banana at JSConf.
Andrew Nacin: So yes.
Mark Jaquith: Nice.
Aaron Jorbin: It was me
Aaron Jorbin: I did own up to it to him
Evan Solomon: the in person banana delivery was well done

October 21, 2013: The Report

April 4, 2014: Offscreen, in NYC

Aaron Jorbin steps out of a gathering at MacDougal Street Ale House for a cigarette. He returns with a banana and places it in front of Evan.

November 9, 2014: The Déjà Vu

Evan Solomon: just a heads up, for those of you that may remember…

January 3, 2015: A Spotting in the Wild

July 30, 2015: The Reversal

Complete reversal episode here.